All My Fault.

This is a post about feelings, just to warn you.

So there is this guy I know. He means a lot to me, but I don't think he knows that. This sounds pretty cheesy and what not but I don't care. The reason I care about him? I lost my virginity to him. Now for a girl, this probably means more to us than it does to boys. I put my trust and faith into him, this allowed me to do something very intimate with someone. I actually felt confident and special when this happened. This guy made me feel beyond special and wanted, which in all honesty, was a miracle.

But recently, this has all gone down hill. I don't think he knows that it's actually getting to me. During that 5 month period, I never felt so good as I did when I was with him. I know it's wrong, and I shouldn't have got involved. But god, I felt so good about myself. I actually felt happy when I was with him, even though he always seemed distracted or like he had other things on his mind, but I didn't care because I thought everything was going well. Everything we did made me feel great, the way he looked at me, his smile, the cheeky comments, holding his hand, the way he kissed me, everything.

It wasn't meant to go this far, only a one off, but it went on, and was great, but things like this never ends well. I would say this is what a typical guy would do, but it's probably not what he's doing, because he isn't like that at all. I guess it's just what girls say when they know it's themselves that have fucked up.

I feel like it's all my fault that this has happened.

I will always have some sort of feelings for him, no doubt about that. As I've said, for a girl losing her virginity is important, and for me, you will always be in my story, even though I probably mean nothing to you, maybe just another name on a list, but really, I actually care about you.